sexstories.com
Comments from darthel0101
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2012-09-03 06:13:02 | The Boy Who Lived Down The Street(Part Nine) | sex? who needs sex. you are telling a wonderful story and there will always be times when sex is not appropriate to the story line. This is a WONDERFUL chapter and I hope to see more of them. |
| 2012-09-03 14:24:54 | Two Wishes | wonderful concept and beautifully written |
| 2012-09-07 13:07:29 | Modern Mage - Chapter 15 | I can see the hand of a good gamesmaster in this tale. Well Done. BTW - this chapter ended on a much better tone than some of the others. It finished the cycle and gave a lead INTO the next cycle instead of leaving us waiting for the END of a cycle. Well done, again. |
| 2012-09-08 13:20:17 | Sleepover short pt. I | You need to proofread better and trust spell check less - there are too many homonyms and similar-spelled words which are misused: suit-vs.-suite, stares-vs,-stairs, class-vs.-glass, covert-vs.-cupboard, breath-vs.-breathe, mine-vs.-mines, "in to"-vs.-"into". I couldn't get past the bad grammar to complete the story - examples "I seen", "he was … he knows", "between my breast", "I wrapped … I can", "I challenge him, his eyes got darker", "walls … was". Keep the tenses coordinating in a sentence (plural-vs,-singular, past-vs.-present) and it would be better to keep the past-vs.-present consistent throughout the story. Watch your punctuation. If there is a pause in a sentence then it likely needs a comma. If there are two sentences butting against each other then they likely need a semicolon (or a period). |
| 2012-09-08 13:21:22 | Sleepover short pt. I | god damned, html hating, sons-of-bitches |