| 2012-08-05 12:02:00 |
Modern Mage - Chapter 2 (edited)
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I would say to ignore the person commenting about rape. Evidently they missed the part where the good Dr had a crush on her patient years before. Would they have had the same complaint if the mage had plied her with alcohol to lower her inhibitions first? I do not think so. You have a good story line started; don't let a nay-sayer inhibit your writing. |
| 2012-08-05 21:25:36 |
The Fall of Paradise: Chapter 3
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There were a couple of inconsistencies - the largest of which was the disposal of attacker's bodies without collecting the blood for iron. Other than that, the story is starting to build in concept pretty well. |
| 2012-08-06 00:18:04 |
Modern Mage - Chapter 3
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IMO, too much technical detail but doing good on the character development |
| 2012-08-06 09:41:53 |
My sis is irresistible! Chapter 2!
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My only issue was that you ended the chapter too soon - I HATE cliffhangers |
| 2012-08-06 09:48:19 |
My sis is irresistible! Chapter 3!
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You really need to combine these three into one chapter or at least into one story as the end does not occur until here. Other than that little issue, it was a tremendous story to read. |