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Comments from Tash88
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2013-09-30 18:23:46 | Chace McCartson - Part I | Sometimes I wonder if all these advertisements below this comment actually succeed. I think not. That amuses me. A20, you're a breath of fresh air. From the moment I read the introduction of the story itself, I knew I found another gem. And you haven't dissapointed me just yet. Not only do you take sufficient time to build up a story and an atmosphere, you also challenge the reader to explore further and further into your mind... from the vanilla to the darkest core. Personally, I'd probably go for the core but I accept your challenge and will start at the beginning. Time for chapter two... Regards, Tash |
| 2015-06-01 23:25:22 | Money is Power part 1 | I can definitely feel the mood youre trying to set. As opposed to raping with sheer violence or drugs, I do enjoy blackmail. Why? Because it sure is tougher (yet so much more satisfying?) to break a mind than a body. Your boy (or you, considering its first person perspective) is off to a good start. But I agree with the rest, don't rush. Take your time describing, create a solid beginning and let the story develop from there on. Looking forward to the next parts. |
| 2015-06-02 14:59:07 | Money is Power (part 2) | You did much better on this part. No rushing and you kept the main character an arrogant jerk who tasted power and wants more. Off to read the next parts... |
| 2015-10-07 11:02:16 | Banana | I enjoyed this one, it was short and simple but it had everything needed to be a pleasurable read... Including the fun twist at the end! One point of criticism; try not to repeat the same word, like 'wave', use synonyms. |
| 2015-10-28 12:03:11 | Taking Cassie | I won't be as harsh (and in a sense, as useless) as the previous person commenting. I applaud anyone who takes the time and energy to write. Keeps us off the streets doing these things we crave for in reality. Also, you clearly ask for feedback which shows you are willing to improve. Unfortunately, I do think you need work. Spelling, grammar, punctuation. Using synonyms rather than the same words several times. And slow down, use descriptions to set the mood. For me, a good story is one where I get captivated entirely. Forget your surroundings for a bit and get into the story. Providing details that help the reader create a more lively image help. I like the content, so keep writing and improving, I'd like to read more. |