Holiday depression

Hi everyone it's me again.
I just want to say i try very hard to wear my happy face, but the holidays are always kinda hard on me and i feel myself getting depressed. this year though thank God i have the girls and James, and yaaaaaay Regina is staying until after the new year. Still late at night when the house is quiet i get nostalgic and my heart aches and i find myself staring out the window at the lake. I dunno I just start crying I miss Derikk so much, still. Okay it's not as bad but i'll miss him and always have that empty ache in my heart until my own heart quits beating. Please everyone bear with me, because i know i can be laffing with you in one minute then just, dunno, get all quiet or get bitchy. I don't really mean it, honest I don't. I've been struggling with writing part 4 of " the unexpected guest " i'm getting there but i've done so many redo's laffs and re-writes it's making me crazy, but i know me, and in this story i'm trying to restrain this little wild c***d in me, and she is rebelling. in the end i know she's going to win, so i'm going to sit down and just feel it and write what i feel as it's happening. That always works the best for me. Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year, and may all of your wishes and dreams come true.I hope Santa gives everyone what they ask for. with all my love and friendship to all of you, Anna