Afternoon cigarette thoughts
Thoughts that flowed through my mind while standing outside while smoking a couple of cigarettes..
In no particular order...
* Goddamit! How did I GAIN 4 fucking pounds this week?? I eat fucking salad every day...wtf...did someone sneaks msg into the lettuce or what?
(subconscious voice answers "um..you DID eat 4 pints of ice cream remember?")
ME.."Oh yeah..fuck..but I didn't eat them all at once and even 4 pints of ice cream are NOT freakin 12,000 calories..fml
* Are there going to be 600 plus new models on stripchat today being boosted? If so..that means it shoves all the people who aren't new to the back pages..too many new people joining up on the damn chat sites and very few are actually worth watching cause a lot of them just sit in front of the camera and don't do shit..all they are doing is clogging up the damn drain and keeping those who need the money from actually making it. Wish I could take a damn broom and sweep all the useless bitches off the sites..period.
* I'm nearly 50 years old. Still camming. There is a part of me that is wondering how long my ride on this rollercoaster is going to last. There is a part of me that wants to get out of the industry but ironically the adult industry seems to be the safest place to be for making money during the pandemic. All other jobs are suffering. The camming shit isn't booming but at least the money is still there..but..for how long? Scary to think about.
*(Thinks about the ex hot lover dom who proved he wasn't a real friend) " So..you went from being a hot guy to being a 56-year-old older man making posts on your Facebook that no one cares about..like the post saying "today's blood pressure is 106/97" dude...why? why do people need to know that shit? Why you posting that? You want a cookie? Geez...some boring ass shit you really don't need to post on Facebook.
* Wonder how many trolls I am going to have to deal with on the sites today? I hate working at the weekends. That's the time those fuckers like to get on the sites and waste everyone's time.
* (sees that my house temp is at 84 degrees and rising) well..this is gonna be fun..a day of roasting indoors..thank goodness for having cold water bottles ready in the fridge cause I'm gonna be drinking them all
*(looks around at the graffiti on the buildings..the garbage) sighs. " I would love to be in a nicer area. I really hate living in a neighborhood that is so rough. Nothing is pretty or nice here. All the time I see people walking around fucked up on d**gs or homeless people sleeping everywhere. I would give anything to live in a nicer area, especially by the beach..quiet. If only camming were highly profitable I could leave this place and not look back...but..its nickels and dimes instead of dollars..and even the small change you gotta fight hard for.
(side-eyes a guy passing by staring at me..thinks "dude..no chance...keep walking."
(here insert a pause as I stop and smoke another cigarette and I let my non-verbal thoughts drift. Places I would like to go to. Places I have been before. Stories I want to write. A guy in another apartment complex beside the one I live in has a 1972 ford mustang that sits within eye view. Whenever I see it, I just want to walk over to it, get in, and drive to nowhere..just drive to wherever and leave this neighborhood behind. Get in a car like that and move the fuck out of this place. I want to get on a plane and travel to someplace new. I'm sick of the dirty scenery...the hopelessness..the emptiness of living in a gross neighborhood. I know that if I ever get out of here its because I will have to work myself to the bone nonstop and save money and the damn coronavirus will have to end.)
* Some people hunger all day for sex..all I want is a hug..just a hug..with no sexual strings attached...because then it will be a real genuine hug, not one given because someone wants what's between my legs)
Im out
In no particular order...
* Goddamit! How did I GAIN 4 fucking pounds this week?? I eat fucking salad every day...wtf...did someone sneaks msg into the lettuce or what?
(subconscious voice answers "um..you DID eat 4 pints of ice cream remember?")
ME.."Oh yeah..fuck..but I didn't eat them all at once and even 4 pints of ice cream are NOT freakin 12,000 calories..fml
* Are there going to be 600 plus new models on stripchat today being boosted? If so..that means it shoves all the people who aren't new to the back pages..too many new people joining up on the damn chat sites and very few are actually worth watching cause a lot of them just sit in front of the camera and don't do shit..all they are doing is clogging up the damn drain and keeping those who need the money from actually making it. Wish I could take a damn broom and sweep all the useless bitches off the sites..period.
* I'm nearly 50 years old. Still camming. There is a part of me that is wondering how long my ride on this rollercoaster is going to last. There is a part of me that wants to get out of the industry but ironically the adult industry seems to be the safest place to be for making money during the pandemic. All other jobs are suffering. The camming shit isn't booming but at least the money is still there..but..for how long? Scary to think about.
*(Thinks about the ex hot lover dom who proved he wasn't a real friend) " So..you went from being a hot guy to being a 56-year-old older man making posts on your Facebook that no one cares about..like the post saying "today's blood pressure is 106/97" dude...why? why do people need to know that shit? Why you posting that? You want a cookie? Geez...some boring ass shit you really don't need to post on Facebook.
* Wonder how many trolls I am going to have to deal with on the sites today? I hate working at the weekends. That's the time those fuckers like to get on the sites and waste everyone's time.
* (sees that my house temp is at 84 degrees and rising) well..this is gonna be fun..a day of roasting indoors..thank goodness for having cold water bottles ready in the fridge cause I'm gonna be drinking them all
*(looks around at the graffiti on the buildings..the garbage) sighs. " I would love to be in a nicer area. I really hate living in a neighborhood that is so rough. Nothing is pretty or nice here. All the time I see people walking around fucked up on d**gs or homeless people sleeping everywhere. I would give anything to live in a nicer area, especially by the beach..quiet. If only camming were highly profitable I could leave this place and not look back...but..its nickels and dimes instead of dollars..and even the small change you gotta fight hard for.
(side-eyes a guy passing by staring at me..thinks "dude..no chance...keep walking."
(here insert a pause as I stop and smoke another cigarette and I let my non-verbal thoughts drift. Places I would like to go to. Places I have been before. Stories I want to write. A guy in another apartment complex beside the one I live in has a 1972 ford mustang that sits within eye view. Whenever I see it, I just want to walk over to it, get in, and drive to nowhere..just drive to wherever and leave this neighborhood behind. Get in a car like that and move the fuck out of this place. I want to get on a plane and travel to someplace new. I'm sick of the dirty scenery...the hopelessness..the emptiness of living in a gross neighborhood. I know that if I ever get out of here its because I will have to work myself to the bone nonstop and save money and the damn coronavirus will have to end.)
* Some people hunger all day for sex..all I want is a hug..just a hug..with no sexual strings attached...because then it will be a real genuine hug, not one given because someone wants what's between my legs)
Im out
3 years ago
