One more issue from my former life still needed attention and it was a thorny, difficult one; how to tell my mother and very angry father I was alive without creating holy hell. This was a difficult problem. Bobby and I talked about it several times. We were very concerned about doing it right.
The message for my parents had gotten simpler. Now, there was only one way this was going to go. Abortion was not an alternative as it had been when they kicked me out in July. Had Bobby decided to say something to them back then, an abortion could have still changed things. But now it was late November; I was at least seven months along so obviously...I was having this baby; this combination of my very white young body with that of a very black man.
Bobby had made certain of that. From the moment he met me at Mallmart that day he wanted me to keep me this way and Bobby not only got what he wanted (as usual) but along the way he convinced me it was right.
It was not all a bad message if my parents would only give us time to tell my story. Bobby and the others assured I was well taken care of. I was receiving good prenatal care. I was in excellent health. I was surrounded my men, proud men, who appreciated my condition and treated me with love and respect.
My parents should want to know about me. They had to be worried. But, how much of all this should they be told. How much would they even listen to?
Bobby had blacks from the hood checking everything about my family ever since I came to him. They had contacts everywhere...hospital, police, children’s services, the morgue...everywhere. During the five months there had been no indication my parents were even looking for me. No missing person reports had been filed. No question had been asked back at Grady Hospital or anywhere else.
Bobby concluded they must have thought I just ran away. I had just had my eighteenth birthday so I could do that, legally.
Thus, since it was such a thorny issue, it was easy to let the weeks slip by and do nothing. At some point we would have to let them know I was ok, but not today. Telling them was a dangerous, difficult thing to do. So time after time Bobby and I talked about it, but the days slipped by with no resolution.
Each week my activity at Bobby’s slowed. I was gaining weight rapidly. My BOBBY’S tattoo seemed to grow every day. My breasts were enormous. Everything I did became more difficult. Sitting, standing, getting up and down, walking—everything was more challenging; except activities in bed.
I was faced with a big conflict and it grew every day. I looked at my body and felt very undesirable and yet I was horny all the time...out of my mind horny. I needed male company so badly and thank goodness I was still getting it regularly.
Bobby assured that I wanted for nothing including black male companions. It was surprising how many of the men wanted to be with me even in this condition. They were so kind and considerate. I cannot tell you how many different creative positions they came up with. It was wonderful to see the look of pride on their faces as they finished loving me, kissed me, gave me a final hug, and headed out the door into the early morning light.
Bobby’s smile was constant when he was around me. He told me often that he loved the way I looked and behaved. He was proud of me. I knew it had to be expensive for me to live with him...food, clothing everything he gave me was so nice. In addition, he had me seeing a Dr. Snider regularly, and that wasn’t cheap for sure.
So I was not surprised when on a Friday in early January, Bobby rushed up to my room to tell me that things were going to change for me. He was very excited and knowing Bobby, this was scary. Why change anything? Everything was fine just as it was. I was eight months along. I was very healthy and in a good frame of mind. My breasts and tummy were a bit of a nuisance, but also a source of erotic pleasure for me and others. I knew the men that loved me were certainly assuring that Bobby did not lose a penny keeping me. Why do anything different?
This was all answered when Bobby told me he had talked with Jamal. It seems Jamal had called him. They had a long phone conversation and there were a lot of developments.
Jamal was still in Panama. Being alone in Panama had given him time to think. It quickly became clear he had called only to find out about me. He pressed for answers and Bobbie told him everything; my continued pregnancy, being thrown out of the house, coming to live in the hood...everything. The news shocked Jamal. It took Jamal ten minutes before he started to come back down to earth.
Bobby looked at me with a smile,
“I have never known anyone so turned on with pride and happiness as when I told him you were going to be having his baby very soon. You wouldn’t believe how his voice changed. He started asking all kind questions, and actually listening to my answers. You know he was always such a self-righteous bastard, looking down his nose at the likes of me...well, right away this little guy you are about to have has made us a team. He asked for more and more details about you. And frankly, Caroline, I laid it all out to him; we talked for over an hour.
He is really pleased and proud and wants to be involved right away. As a result some good decisions have been made.
First, Jamal is coming home from Panama to be with you. He insisted. He can get a paternity leave. He is making quick arrangements, declaring you his expecting wife about to deliver. He will be here quickly; perhaps as early as tomorrow afternoon or evening.
Second, he insisted, and I agreed, you are going to move over to his condo. Frankly, you know I love you and I love having you here, but I have to admit, in your current state it is far better for you to be at Jamal’s. As you know I don’t have many of my female friends that stay here on a permanent basis.”
He laughed.
“They come and go. There are reasons for that. This is one of them.”
He laughed again.
“Anyhow, I have put things together quickly. I need another conversation with Jamal, but I plan on moving you over to his place tomorrow afternoon.”
Bobby kissed me soundly. Told me he loved me. Told me how important I was to him and walked out of the room. That was it. I sat on the edge of my bed adjusting to all the news.
I got into bed that evening with quiet confusion occupying my mind. I lay there in the dark gathering my thoughts. I trusted Bobby. I had no reason not to. He had proven to have true affection for me and concern for my well being. Yes he had tattooed his name on my tummy and I still wore the gold neck piece he had installed on me when I came to him, but he had answered my every need with love, concern and safety. If he felt it best that I move to Jamal’s condo, I just had to believe it was the thing to do. Beside I had no real choice; all I had in this world was what he determined I should have. Sleep came as I was thinking about what little clothing I had to take with me.
The following afternoon Bobby snapped his little gold chain to my neck and I followed him out to a waiting limo. I was wearing cute green velvet sarong style skirt and top he had provided for the trip. Knowing Bobby I looked very cute, but also very pregnant. The skirt fit snuggly over my tummy and the top was elegantly thin such that my unsupported breasts were clearly evident.
Once in the limo he handed me a little “going away” present. It was a gold bracelet that matched my neck band exactly. I turned to kiss him. His expression and the message in his eyes shocked me. This man loved me in his strange erotic fashion...he was going to miss the hell out of me. He didn’t need to say a word.
The limo pulled out to the street. I looked back at the white frame house that had been my home and entire existence for the last six months a strange feeling came over me. That house was a whore house...this man beside me was a pimp...nothing more...and I had spent several months with both. Yet I was leaving with nothing but fond, loving memories. He and everyone associated with him had been so very kind and loving.
Bobby had rescued me from disaster and made good on all his promises. I had just one last thing I had to do. I had to give birth to a very big black baby.
This was really going to be an adventure. All I had with me was a small soft bag with two changes of clothes and things from my bathroom. Bobby assured me whatever else I needed would be brought over shortly. Also Jamal had told him as soon as he got here he wanted to put things together for me as well.
Bobby took my short chain and led me up the drive to the garage door; he worked the combination on the outside entry pad; led me on inside and up into the kitchen area. Once we were standing in the kitchen he set my bag down and unsnapped my gold chain and ceremoniously put it in his pocket. He stood for a moment and then without a word kissed my cheek. He looked so disconcerted and sad. Finally he turned and without a word, walked out, closing the garage doors as he passed.
I stood just inside the kitchen with my small bag at my feet for the next ten minutes just looking around and fighting tears I did not understand. I was lonely. I felt very alone for the first time since I had run to Bobby that night six months ago when all hell broke loose at home. Bobby had really been my whole life during this entire pregnancy.
I had been to Jamal’s condo before of course, but now it seemed strangely new and empty. I walked into the living room. It was quiet and lonely. I tried the TV and the phone...both had been turned off. I dropped down on the couch in deep thought. I was absolutely alone. I had nothing but this extremely reveling outfit, two more even more revealing outfits in the little case, and a few toiletries. That was it. I had no way to contact anyone. I had to simply trust that Bobby knew what was best for me and things would develop from here.
I am a strange girl, for reasons I will never understand, I needed to explore. Room by room I moved through Jamal’s place snooping into everything. What a lovely condo.
It was quite large, occupying three floors. The lower level was a large media room, or recreation room; a large bedroom and a nice bath with a whirlpool. Sliding doors in the rooms offered access to a grand patio and a view of the lake. Outside, appropriate trees and plantings assured everything was very private.
The main level, where you entered from the front; provided living, dining, kitchen, office and small den. This is the only area of the condo I had seen when here before to meet with Jamal.
It was the upper level that impressed me the most; two smaller bedrooms with a connecting bath, and a very lovely, large master bedroom and bath suite.
My tour took about an hour and it ended in the master bedroom. I walked through into the master bathroom and slowly turned in front of the large mirror. For reasons I cannot explain, I really liked how I looked. I was large very large. My breasts and tummy were much bigger than I had ever imagined they could be, but I just seemed to glow. My face, my skin, my hands and arms all had an alluring smoothness. My examination ended when I looked directly into my eyes and my smile turned to a chuckle.
Dear reader, Caroline Webster was delighted with the way she looked and felt, and it was such a contrast to common sense that it was comical. I had never dreamed a woman could be so pregnant; and yet so cute, and so horny. Every hint of loneliness was gone as I stood slowly removing the two pieces of clothing I had on and unashamedly admiring myself.
In my former life I had always been a young girl who clearly exuded potential...potential as a daughter...potential as a student...potential as a girlfriend...but I had never achieved anything. I was only...a cute daughter...a cute date... a cute exhibit at my parent’s club. I was something to show off to friends and relatives, but I had accomplished nothing.
Now I clearly demonstrated accomplishment. Anyone looking at me would be startled at how pregnant I was and how I glowed. My body now told everyone I was a woman...I was a productive woman and I was thriving. I was the center of attention where ever I went. Not a show piece any more, I was productive. I was an expectant mother.
I shuddered. In the past eight months I had been through what previously would have been unimaginable, even in my wildest fantasy dreams. I had learned so much about my sexuality...my sexual needs and my sexual abilities with men, black men. I had matured so much as my body responded to this pregnancy and all that had happened to me at Bobby’s.
I was excited to have Jamal back. To look into his eyes...to see how he responded all he had done to me. I knew he was going to be surprised at how well I was handling all these physical changes. I really looked great as a very pregnant young woman.
His king sized bed looked so inviting. It was early evening and I had been going hard all day getting organized and over here from Bobby’s place. I move a few of the throw pillows over to the left side of the bed, pulled the spread and blankets down, and found a most comfortable position nude, flat on my back. I looked down over my big tummy one more time and I was asleep.
It was sometime later...perhaps two in the morning...when I heard the front door unlocked. Not a thing about if startled me. In the semidarkness I lowered the blankets and glanced down over my body. I knew the noise downstairs was Jamal and I wanted one more quick study of the prize he was going to find in his bed. I wanted to be nude for him and absolutely as radiant as a young pregnant woman could be.
I was so excited to see him. It had been so long. I had progressed so far...I knew he was up to date on my condition but there was no way he could imagine how wonderful I looked and felt carrying his child.
I heard him coming up the stairs and my excitement grew with each step. The door to the hallway stood open. I watched as his shadow appeared in the semidarkness.
His huge black frame filled the doorway as he stopped and quietly observed me in his bed. It seemed like forever.
I could wait no longer,
“Hi stranger” I offered quietly.
He walked slowly toward the bed and for the first time I could see the smile on his face. It was the prideful wide smile I had dreamed of. Without a word he kicked off his shoes and lay down beside me, fully clothed in his army uniform, and lifted my nude body into an embrace. I had forgotten how big he was...how strong his arms were...how warm, responsive and gentle he could be.
We lay there for a good while before he finally spoke.
“Hello Caroline, what a home coming you are for this old soldier. You look so good...you feel so good. You cannot imagine how often I have thought about you. Night after night, when things had quieted down on the base, my mind would always turn to you. I had no idea all your hospital stuff had failed, and you were still pregnant...so my dreams of you were of you as you walked into my life that first day back at Mallmart. I had no real hope of ever seeing you again.
Three days ago I got weak and called Bobby to ask about you. I learned you were still pregnant and one week later here I am back home with you in my arms. I am so in love with you girl. This is wonderful... You look so good.”
Jamal softly rambled on for some time until it was obvious how tired he was after all the travel. We agreed to talk no further until morning. He slid out of bed, out of his clothes, through a shower, and back to me.
We had never been in bed together, let alone to sleep, but it seemed so easy, so natural, to wrap our selves together. I was on my back for comfort. Jamal’s knees came under mine in a very comfortable position...his left arm came around under my neck... his right hand began to lovingly explore my breasts and tummy. Over and over he went up one mountain so very carefully and then down into an even more sensitive valley. He was so considerate. He treated me like I would break.
Finally, he stopped, gave my right cheek a tender kiss, and returned to talking about all that was roaming through his tired mind,
“Caroline, I cannot believe what I have done to that perfect body. How angry are you? I know it wouldn’t help for me to tell you how wonderful you look...pregnant like this. Would it? ...but you do. You have no idea how attractive you are. It makes me a little sad that you are here with me only by accident; that I backed you into this corner. I so wish this was all a wonderful adventure we had planned together.
This for me is a dream, but for you it has got to be a nightmare.”
He was so far off the mark. He had no idea what all I had been through under Bobby’s care and how my attitude and emotions had developed as a result. He had no concept of how good I felt physically carrying his baby and how erotic I felt emotionally as well.
He needed to sleep. I could tell him in the morning,
“Jamal, there is so much about me that you do not know. You need to sleep...we both do. For tonight just understand...I am very healthy and happy. All the fears are behind me. I am excited about having our baby. I could not be more pleased if we had planned the whole thing in every detail. Our baby will be here very soon. That is all you and I are going to be concerned about.
Thanks for coming home. I am so happy you came to be with me. It feels so good here in your arms.
I love you.
Goodnight.”
His breathing turned heavier...his hand moved slowly downward over my nude body and finally stopped in the silken hair just below my “BOBBY’S”. My mind calmed and deep sleep overtook me.
MALLMART REVISITED
Morning came bright and beautiful. For a January morning it was surprisingly warm and sunny. When I awoke Jamal was already down in kitchen and I could smell fresh coffee. I sorted around for something to wear but found nothing but the sarong and top Bobby had provided. They were very revealing, but they were all I had so...my breakfast attire was a clean pair of panties from my little travel bag, the short green sarong skirt that really showed off my tummy and the thin top which did the same for my breasts. A turn in front of the mirror said everything. I was absolutely as radiant as a pregnant girl could be. I shuddered with excitement; Jamal had not really had a chance to see me last night. I fixed my hair into a pony tail and headed down the steps to face the day.
Jamal met me at the foot of the steps. His eyes were filled with a shocked pride. He looked at me again and again before murmuring,
“Caroline you are gorgeous...gorgeous. I cannot tell you how wonderful you look...and to know you are carrying my child is the ultimate turn on. I want the world to know.”
A wide possessive smile broke across his lips as he caressed my hands and led me to the table in the dining nook.
He was treating me like glass, like I was helpless. I was much more nimble than he thought.
As he turned to go out and get coffee, I jumped up and caught him from behind. I embraced him with some force and turned him to face me. I brought both of his hands up to my pregnant tummy. I needed his touch right there, right then. I needed to communicate that everything was alright and I was happy, healthy and still very active.
Somehow I wanted him to know that any guilt he might feel for what happened that day at the mall was completely misplaced. True, I had gone through eight very strange months, but now, everything was positive. I needed him. I needed him to know how I felt about things.
He gently held my pregnant body and look down into my eyes.
His face was filled with emotions.
Being me, I had to face things directly, and with some humor. This was serious. He had knocked me up...we were going to have a baby very soon as a result, but I needed him with me now and I did not want him buried in guilt.
I knew the guilt he felt would quickly melt if he knew how horny I was. He had to know how much I enjoyed the night in his arms.
I was so turned on all I could do was laugh nervously,
“Jamal, I want you to feel what you have done to me down there.”
I tried my best to fake a little contempt.
“I was a thin high school girl when you put that in there. Are you ashamed or are you proud?”
I smiled seductively at him and moved his hands gently.
I had achieved my purpose...any guilt Jamal felt...if he felt any... was gone. He looked at me with the most proud, possessive look I have ever seen,
“I am so proud I cannot tell you, Caroline. I love the way you have handled things. I love this whole idea. I honestly think it was the very best thing for you. Yah, I can only imagine all the screwed up things you have been through, but you are healthy, happy, and looking like a million bucks. When I met you, you were a cute little kid flirting with any guy that walked by. You had lots of promise but nothing more. Now you are a beautiful woman. Every step you take, every move you make, speaks loudly. It says you are happy; your destiny is being fulfilled. You are going to be the mother of this very proud black man’s baby.”
He hesitated, holding me lovingly.
Pride, pride filled his face...pride...he was communicating pride every way possible. He had come home to this pregnant white girl and he was over-the-top proud of his accomplishment. Any worries I might have had about him drowning in guilt were gone forever.
We embraced and took two cups of coffee and a plate of little cinnamon rolls back to the table. I carried the rolls, he carried the coffee; my hands were shaking too much to carry hot coffee.
He sat in silence. There was so much we needed to talk about...but there was nothing that needed discussion right now. We just sat enjoying the morning and the quiet charm of his condo.
It was obvious I was the center of his life. He could not take his eyes off of me. My little outfit hid nothing.
My mind jumped back to that day I walked toward him in that security office, wearing that very short skirt, sealing my fate forever.
“Jamal! Would you really have reported me to the police when I shoplifted if I had not made love to you?”
I had to know.
He looked at me...smiled,
“You really want to know, don’t you? Well the answer is...No Caroline! No way. By the time you arrived at my desk...you had won the day. You were free of all charges long before I entered your body. I honestly just could not stop myself.”
I sat looking at him, smiling.
Finally, I could tell something was playing with his mind and out of nowhere he asked what I had brought with me in the way of clothing. I told him.
Thirty minutes later our breakfast was over and we were on our way to the very best dress shop at the mall. He insisted we had to buy some things and it had to be right now.
For the first time in months I was returning to the mall. The main shopping mall...the place where I had baited the teen age boys with my short skirts and thin tops for my entire senior year in high school...the place where the amigos went so often to talk trash about fat pregnant white women with black babies. The place where I would get so horny just feeling the touch of the hem of my skirt on the back of my legs.
Today it was so different. I had no say in this trip. It was what Jamal wanted to do and he wanted to do it right now.
It was Saturday. The place would be filled with shoppers. Yes, I felt he realized I needed things to wear, but this went way beyond that. Something had come over him...there was no question...it was tremendous pride.
Think about it. He could have just gone alone and bought a couple things to get started. But he never mentioned that possibility. I looked so pregnant and I was so revealed in this outfit. This trip was much more than just clothes for me. Jamal wanted to show off his pregnant white girl. There was no question. He even insisted I wear the gold arm band Bobby gave me to match my wide gold neck piece.
Any doubt I might have had about his intention was eliminated as he parked. He parked at an entry that was nowhere near the store we intended to visit. He was going to take me on a long walk down the corridors of the mall.
Once parked, he jumped out and came around to help me. I turned my knees out of his Lexus and he lifted me with both hands into his arms. Right there it began. With mostly white shoppers coming and going all around us, his eyes filled with passion and he kissed me as possessively as a man could. I was his property.
We turned together and walked toward the mall doors...he firmly held my right hand.
Just inside this mall entry was the food court. It was filled with breakfast business and I had not taken three steps until I heard my name being called from half way across the large room. I glance toward the sound and saw my amigos...all three of them...coming through the tables as fast as they could. I cannot tell you how high my blood pressure went. I froze.
Jamal’s grip on my hand tightened.
“Princess...we both knew this might happen; well, I was hoping it would happen. It is best. Calm down. I am here. Just be truthful with them. You are mine. It will put one big step behind you. They will get the word out for sure. In no time your friends and family will know you are alive, happy...and pregnant. We will make sure they know it is by me. ”
I had only a moment to look up into his eyes. They were filled with a possessive pleasure like I had never seen. I was no longer a high school girl showing off at the mall...I was a black man’s pregnant woman... the most important thing in his life.
He looked so big, so handsome, and so in control. He was wearing his winter dress uniform. He was a picture of black maleness. His military demeanor swept away my nervous fears. I had a flash of all the scary things this black man must have experienced defending his country. There was nothing scary with these three young girls. Two hundred years of racial hatred were no longer a factor for him he deserved the best and he had it at his side. I stood up straighter, my pregnancy on full display in the green sarong skirt.
They came through the tables in such a rush. I had not gotten ten feet inside the door and I had already made their Saturday mall trip a bang up success. The amigos lived on gossip...good gossip was more important than anything else...and I was giving them the very best.
As they rushed directly at us, their eyes were wide with excitement. Their eyes seemed fixed on me except they glanced again and again at Jamal as they approached. He and I stood quietly, he held my hand firmly. As they got closer they had to be amazed at how big, and handsome he was.
They surround me. Their eager eyes played up and down my body, I know how they yearned for gossip and the outfit I had on gave them their fill. Sybil was the leader. One question followed another. We had not talked since I used her as an alibi shortly after I shoplifted. Her questions came so fast there was no chance for the others and no chance to answer. Finally, I released Jamal’s hand and took hold of her right hand with both of mine,
“Sybil, stop a moment, let me catch you up with what has been going on in my life. I think it will answer do many questions”
She looked at me in dismay like the possibility of my revealing anything freely was the last thing she expected. All three of their faces went blank as they stared at the two of us.
“First, I need to introduce you to Jamal.”
Jamal stepped slightly forward...he towered over the three of them. Back and forth, I introduce Sybil, Sandy and Emily to Jamal. I did it slowly, rather formally, allowing each of them to shake his enormous hand. I wanted them to have time to contemplate the beauty of this guy. In this uniform he was absolutely a black Adonis.
Next I went right to the main topic,
“I am so happy to see you guys. I really missed you, even though I have been very busy. I know this comes as a shock, but as you can see I am having a baby very soon...in fact any time now. Jamal is the father. We are very in love and happy. I am living with him. My parents disowned me when they learned I was pregnant...and that is about all there is to report. You are up to date with Caroline Webster.”
I stopped and simply smiled politely.
The amigos were standing in shock. Their faces were drained of color. They shifted back and forth from one foot to the other. There were no questions, just stunned silence.
I turned to Jamal with a smile. I wanted them to hear his beautiful black voice,
“Is there anything else I should add, Jamal?”
He looked down at me with his loving possessive look and then across at the amigos.
“Caroline there is nothing I can think of, except to confirm our love. I think it would be great if these ladies came over to our condo real soon so you can catch up.”
He smiled at me with pride and love. I looked back, sharing the moment with him.
“We probably should do it this week; I suspect, Caroline will be very busy for a while after that.”
Their three faces were a study.
Everything went silent. Most likely, the gossip they had just received had been too much for them...too shocking. Or it could have been that I communicated everything and there were no questions remaining.
Sybil finally moved forward to take my hand,
“Holy smoly, Caroline; I am so shocked. I can’t tell you. We have been so worried about you. Everyone thought you had run away. This is unbelievable, but you are safe and happy and that is all that matters. Please, please call and let us come over to see you. We would love to spend some time together and catch up on everything.”
I assured her I would. Jamal turned me toward the exit into the mall. Each of them gave me a “long distance” hug, said goodbye, and turned back toward their seats as we walked away.
It was over.
I watched out of the corner of my eye. Their cell phones were out before Jamal and I had made it to the exit. The official word was being spread rapidly. The world would know everything in a matter of minutes.
Jamal held my hand tightly as we headed out into the corridor toward Ann Taylor. I was amazed at the stares. I was in a new world...I was the center of attention at the mall in a new way. I was no longer a school girl tantalizing and teasing the boys in a short skirt. There were none of those little school girl thrills and tremors coursing through my body...now I was a very pregnant white girl with a very big black baby bump and a very big black man who put it there, and I was absolutely overcome with aroused feelings of mature sexual desire.
Shoppers would move aside as we walked by, but their gaze would follow every step we made. There were smiles, and certainly snide comments and titters I couldn’t hear; but not one friendly smile, until we passed a group of five young black guys. They not only smiled, but fell in behind us for a while. (I recognized two of them for sure. For reasons you understand, I could immediately feel the thin hem of the sarong skirt touching the back of my legs as we moved along.).
Buying clothes at Ann Taylor was sort of anticlimactic. The snooty women working in the store displayed considerable derision as they waited on us, but they did a professional job. Jamal made the ***********ions and time after time I came out of the changing room wearing outfits for his approval. All were shades of white...all were skirts and tops...all were quite revealing and all fit my pregnant body as he wanted.
About an hour later we headed back down the corridor toward the food court and the car. Jamal was carrying three bags of expensive outfits for me. The amigos were gone. I was certain they were somewhere spreading the “good” news about Caroline Webster.
I could tell as the Lexus headed out of the parking lot we were not headed back to the condo. Jamal turned in the opposite direction. He was headed to Mallmart which stood alone about a mile across and expanse of parking. I did not have to ask. I knew what he wanted and it was not to buy junk at the Mallmart. He wanted to show off his young pregnant white girl to the fellows he worked with. Many of whom had contributed to my continued pregnancy program at Bobby’s.
As we started into that end of the parking lot...a little panic...how much had Bobby told him about my summer “program” and the involvement of the black men of Mallmart? Did he know that at least eight of the men who worked here had sex with me during the summer?
I had to say something,
“Jamal you know most of the guys that work here are all friends of Bobby’s....”
He stopped and looked over at me with a smile,
“There are few secrets in the hood when it comes to a white girl that gets knocked up by a black guy. I know a lot of them got to you...I just don’t know exactly how many. Straighten me out.”
I could feel the blood draining from my face. I looked over at him,
“Jamal I think all of them did. I am sorry but that was all part of Bobby’s deception.”
I knew my expression conveyed my shame and concern. He looked over at me and pride filled his eyes,
“All black?”
“Yes.”
“Good girl. The brothers will love to see you, believe me. This should be fun for you.”
He smiled at me so lovingly. He reached over and took my hand in a loving way and looked into my eyes.
What a lesson he had in store for me. In the next few minutes I learned he knew all about the things that had gone on with me all summer. He actually was proud and a little excited that Bobby had me taking on these young black guys as part of the deceitful, misleading, program to keep me pregnant. I began to realize that Jamal viewed my sexuality as exclusive, but not just to him...exclusive too black males in general. It was for him a tribal thing. He was the proud guy who had knocked me up, but he took great joy in knowing his brothers of the hood now understood thoroughly how great a prize I was.
The automatic doors opened as if on command. Jamal had me firmly by the right hand as we walked in to be greeted by Rashid and Amyl standing security just inside the door. They walked directly toward us with surprised expressions on smiling faces. Rashid greeted Jamal,
“Hey boss, great to see you.”
He looked over at me with a kind grin while still directing his comment to Jamal,
“Hey man, I want to keep this beautiful package in the security office for you, while you shop?”
There was some laughter and back and forth kidding about “the attractive package he had with him”. Jamal held my hand tightly, possessively, as the three of them went on about how sweet I was. Recalling what one or the other had done with me. How I reacted to their attentions. It turned into a competitive conversation as to which of them had serviced me the best.
I was too on edge to remember the details, but their comments were so complimentary. It was clear each of them had gained such stature as a black male from having “looked out for me” while Jamal was out of town with the army.
Jamal turned to Amyl.
“Hey I am going back to the corporate office and catch up with Matt. I am sure he has been swamped and will have questions. Take Caroline through the store and let her catch up a bit. I am sure the guys working today will want to say hello. Bring her to the office in about an hour or so.”
I was stunned. He turned right there in the busy entry way, kissed me, and left me with Amyl.
It sure seemed like he was dumping me, but I had a lot to learn. That was just my quick impression based only on typical relationships with kids in high school.
Black men treat their white girls very differently in public. Three things quickly became apparent...Jamal was not dumping me...instead I was a proud trophy he was sharing... and black guys just have this tribal need to share. Jamal also knew exactly how I would react as soon as I realized what he was doing with me. He knew I would find the additional attention very entertaining and erotic.
Before Amyl had taken me up the aisle ten steps I was shaking with sexual excitement from head to foot. My breasts, my lower body...all of me reacted to this. I wanted to stand taller and walk straighter. The picture of a blond young white girl all knocked up by a very big black guy swept across my mind like a fire storm.
The store was filled with shoppers. There were dozens of people among them who would possibly recognize me. Amyl was a tall handsome guy and he looked so nifty in his security uniform. His self-esteem grew with each step we took. He was so proud. We had gone only a short distance when he turned and embrace me firmly...finishing it with a kiss. I looked around. He had chosen the middle of a busy aisle and he had stopped every single shopper in sight.
As we turned to continue he brought my left arm behind my back. I knew what he wanted. I walked on up the isle at his side in complete compliance. My distended tummy and breasts were exaggerated just as he desired. I knew the green sarong skirt and thin top offered little cover. He had my black breeding fully on display. I kept wondering if strangers could see the outline of my BOBBY tattoo through the thin sarong.
His free hand moved so very close to my breasts when he pointed out things as we moved along. I was shaking with sexual energy and he certainly was aware what this did to me.
Amyl and I knew one another very well. He had been with me several nights during the summer. Every move he made now reflected the affection between us. With these strong emotional ties it was charming to have him so obviously proud to be with me. I was glowing as we toured the store.
The world of Mallmart took on such new and special meaning. We passed the electronics section. The Play Station display was right there just as I remembered from eight months ago.
I stopped and looked up at him incredulously,
“I can’t believe they’ve not changed this. It is exactly the way it was the day I shoplifted.”
He looked at me with a wolf like grin,
“...and the day I caught you...the luckiest day of my life...and the luckiest day for every brother that works here.
His grin widened. “No way will we alter this display. It’s like a shrine”
I turned just as two stocking employees came down the aisle. It was so obvious just from the broad smiles they had come to see me. Miles and Jordan, both of them had frequently joined the team at Bobby’s to support me during the summer.
Now they surrounded me with warm pride. They were delighted to learn that Jamal was back and I was living with him. They encircled me with black chatter (if you know what I mean) but I no longer worried a bit about someone seeing me. I was the center of attention. Amyl kept my arm behind me constantly. The black guys could not have been more warm, and proud to have my company. Nothing else mattered.
Amyl finally took me to the security office to “check on the duty assignment board”.
I knew with every step he was becoming more and more wound up. The front of his uniform told the story. It was a simple visit to the office. We walked in. He closed and bolted the door behind us. He pulled a chair without arm out from the conference table and sat down after releasing and enormous erection straight toward the ceiling. I simple sat down straddling his lap and with no panties he came into me...gently, not deeply, protecting me. I moved up and down in passion and he unloaded, just like that.
As my tour continued around the store things only got better. I was on an emotional sexual high...a very pregnant white girl with a cute pony tail being escorted throughout this enormous Mallmart store by black guys that were so proud to have my company. Shortly I was handed off to Rashid and he too needed to visit the security office. I got it again, exactly the same way.
About an hour later Amyl, Rashid and I ended up at the food court for lunch. I had not seen Jamal in about two hours. One by one the black male employees came and went as their lunch hours permitted.
I was sitting at a very big round table somewhat in the middle of the room. It seemed each of them “knew me” and each of them stopped to talk and catch up with my pregnancy.
Frankly, my head was swimming from all the attention and the erotic emotions it all stirred up in me. These guys knew how to drive a pregnant white girl wild with attention.
I had just finished a burger and fries for lunch when my world started to spin. At first I thought it was the tension... then I thought it was the food...then I knew it was the baby. Jamal junior announced that he was ready to greet the crazy world. There was no question. I flooded the floor, amyls and rashids and a lot of baby fluid.
She smiled down at me,
When we were done with the question and answer period the two ladies left and he and I sat quietly talking and eating ice chips. He was such a kind guy to fill in for Jamal like that. He must have been there for two hours. I remember that Amyl went out and came back with coffee for us and then disappeared. Dickson and I continued to talk. Dickson was so cute. He is about my age but he sure seemed to be filling the role of father in a most professional way. Why was he ***********ed?
It was late afternoon, maybe early evening when Dickson said good bye, kissed me gently and disappeared out the door just as a cute young gal about my age came in with dinner.
As she was setting things up for me to eat the nurse returned and took the baby away to the nursery.
This was great. The food was good and I was so relaxed. I was no longer pregnant. Nothing black was growing inside me. I had only happy thoughts as I ate my pudding first.
About half way through the good chicken dinner, I laid back a bit and lifted the covers to look down my front. My tummy actually looked normal. Not flat like it did before I shoplifted, but...normal. In fact I already looked better than most of the people working around me. My breasts were large but cute. I concluded I looked like a young mother. Not a mall chick any more...a mother.
I was sitting up in bed with my tray of empty dishes sort of holding me in place when there was a shuffle at the door and my mother came walking in. I cannot tell you...but maybe you can imagine...how I felt. I had not seen her or talked to her since the fateful night when they discovered my hospital plans while at their country club card game.
I think I would have gotten up and run if I were not pinned in by the dinner tray. I could feel all the blood draining from my face. My heart began pounding in my ears.
Her face was blank, but she managed a smile as she came over to kiss my forehead and sit down in the chair by the bed.
I was so stunned I couldn’t speak...fortunately she was prepared. It was a rehearsed speech. No greeting, no small talk...she went right to the core of things.
In the next few minutes she laid out her thoughts regarding me and my life.
In short...she had stopped by the nursery and viewed the baby on the way to the room. She asked no questions about anything...my health...the father of the baby...or any events that had transpired in my life since “the night” when she last saw me. She simply told me a Negro named Robert Dickson had called the house and left a message. He claimed to be the father of my child. He told them where I was, that I had delivered the baby, and that I was doing well, and he loved me.
He opened up the possibility that they visit me before my release...which was scheduled for tomorrow. He suggested this time and said nothing else. They had no further communication concerning me. They did not attempt to answer the message or contact Mr. Dickson.
My dad refused to visit the hospital. He wanted nothing to do with the whole thing.
Mother then stood up and turned toward the door,
“Caroline, we expect you to put that black child up for adoption immediately. Once you have nothing more to do with it, contact us and come home. We will do our best to get you back to a normal life. Call first!”
With that final word...and no goodbye...she walked out.
I sat stunned. All I could see in my mind was like an enormous balance of justice with me standing blind folded in the middle...on one side was my entire white life, all I had known, college, my family, friends, marriage, my future, on and on...on the other side was one very small, very black, perfect little baby with a remarkable face that reflected the very best of two people who made the mistakes that brought him here.
In that moment and forever more he won...he won...he won! I would suffer any consequence. I would live with any insult. I would never give him up. I could not have been more convicted.
I relaxed back onto my pillows. The most important decision of my young life had just been made and I cannot describe how contented I was with the result. A sound happy sleep overtook me.