CAW 29 was a writing contest, where the theme was "Crime." This is a revised version of my entry.
"Breaking news at Disneyland. Our very own Azneth Smith is interrupting her vacation to bring you this story. Azneth?"
"Yes Frank, and I'd like to thank Fox 11 LA for their help in bringing you this story. Behind me, you can see the Disneyland Hotel."
The camera pans over to Mickey’s Magic hat, all lit up, then pans up, and across to the sign
lit up in red, saying 'Disneyland Hotel.' The voice over continues.
"This morning, the hotel was the scene of a crime when Tinker Bell was stolen. Tinker Bell usually lives in the honeymoon suite on the top floor."
The camera pans back to the window on the corner of the top floor above Mickey’s hat.
"Staying in the suite last night were tennis superstar, Venus Hotbody, fresh from her Grand Slam win in the US open. She was with her new husband, Alexis Onanism, the couple had only gotten married yesterday."
"The first hint that something was wrong was this morning when the Red Car flew off the end of Hollywood Boulevard, and flew into the Movie set on Sunset Boulevard. Eye witnesses reported the car was trailing pixie dust. Later the housekeeping staff found that Tinker Bell was missing from the suite, and there was no sign of Hotbody or Onanism."
"I have with me Captain Steve Rogers of the 15th precinct, he was an eye witness to the Red Car incident, and is leading the investigation into Tinker Bell’s disappearance. Captain Rogers?"
The handsome police Captain looms almost comically over the diminutive reporter, who is holding
her microphone high up so the Captain can speak into it. When he speaks it is with a smooth
baritone, which attracts the attention of all in the area.
"Well Ms. Smith, we’re now treating this as a kidnapping, and the FBI is on standby to render assistance. Our legal advice is that under the Magical Persons Act, certain cartoon characters count as persons for the purposes of the penal code, we think Tinker Bell qualifies under the act, so this can be treated as a kidnapping, not just theft."
"I was in my office at the 15th precinct headquarters, when I saw the Red Car jump it's tracks, and continue to fly down Hollywood Boulevard. It flew into the mural at the end, and continued to proceed down Sunset Boulevard in the mural. Unfortunately, due to cartoon physics, it was not comically appropriate for me, or any other human, to be able to follow them into the mural, so the Red Car disappeared from sight."
"We’re assembling a task force, and Captain Hudson of the RSPD has offered assistance. As Captain Hudson is also a cartoon character, he has the ability to enter the mural and report back. Currently, we have accounted for everyone except the driver and conductor of the car; two other park guests; as well as Ms. Hotbody and Mr. Onanism."
"Thank you Captain. With that, back to Frank in the studio."
==
"More on the breaking story at Disneyland. We go live to Azneth Smith on Hollywood Boulevard. Azneth?"
"Behind me, you can see where the police have set up their crime scene at the end of Hollywood Boulevard."
The camera pans over the scene, yellow crime scene tape marks off an area. Several police officers
are milling about. The camera focuses on the scene at the end of the street, the street disappears
into the distance, under a brilliant blue sky. Then one of the police officers walks too close and
throws a shadow across the scene, which is actually a mural.
"Earlier, Captain Hudson of the RSPD entered the mural, in an attempt to locate the missing Red Car … Something’s happening."
The camera focuses on the mural, the background hubbub dies down, and you can see something moving
in the distance. It grows bigger. It becomes recognizable as some sort of old fashioned car.
"I see Captain Hudson approaching. … Captain Hudson is of course a 1951 Hudson Hawk."
The car drives to the end of the painted street and emerges from the mural as a real three
dimensional car and drives up to Captain Rogers, who is waiting for it in the street. Three of
the car’s doors open. Four people get out, looking rather dazed. The four are escorted by police
officers to the 15th precinct building across the street (which is incongruously, a New York
Brownstone). There is pandemonium as a host of reporters shout questions at all and sundry. The
reporter turns to the camera.
"Interesting developments here at Disneyland, there should be an official statement soon."
Captain Rogers looks up, and strides towards the perimeter, while waving for the crowd to gather.
The car follows along side him. Captain Rogers speaks, and the crowd is hushed, hanging on his
every word.
"I can report that Captain Hudson located the Red Car abandoned in Echo Park. There was no sign of Tinker Bell, or of Ms. Hotbody and Mr. Onanism. The Car's driver, conductor, and the other two missing guests were found, apparently safe but under a spell of some description. We hope to learn more, once we get them de-spelled, but for now we have taken them into protective custody. We will be sending the tow truck from Radiator Springs to retrieve the Red Car shortly."
There was a volley of shouted questions from the assembled reporters, but there was no more
information forthcoming.
==
In the 15th precinct station house, the task force is considering what to do next. Captain Hudson is attending via video conference from his office, as he would not fit in the situation room. Unbeknownst to the attendees, some hacker has tapped into the video conference feed, and it is being played live on YouTube. Multiple TV stations across the country have picked up the feed.
Captain Rogers is about to speak, when there is a sound everyone is familiar with. It sounds as if someone is playing a tune on a crystal chandelier. It’s Tinker Bell’s voice. Then with the familiar zing! of a crescendo on the crystal chandelier, Tinker Bell appears above the conference table.
Tinker Bell is not her usual soft green; she’s glowing with a distinctly red tinge. She chimes four notes, rather discordantly, followed by the bass growl of a bassoon. Everyone understands that, Tinker Bell is not happy. She launches into staccato tirade of chimes, most of the participants in the meeting look on blankly, not understanding what she’s saying.
Captain Roger barks at one of his men, "O’Mally, you speak fairy, what’s she saying?"
O'Mally is a big burley black guy, who when he speaks, speaks in a surprisingly gentle and high pitched voice. "Well, Captain, She’s not happy. She wants to know what we’re doing to find her sister after those big bad guys stole her away."
"Her Sister?" questions Captain Rogers.
More chimes. "Yes Captain, the missing fairy is in fact Tinker Bell’s sister, ‘Wanker Bell.’ Tinker Bell has been taking a vacation and her sister has been filling in for her. She says, ‘Haven’t we noticed that …’"
O’Mally turns to Tinker Bell, and says, "That’s not a nice thing to say about your sister."
There’s another tirade of chimes, and O’Mally looks suitably chastised. "She says, ‘Haven’t we noticed that the horny bitch has been flirting so outrageously with the crowds at the parade. And those skirts …' Sorry Captain, that’s what she said."
The conference room is silent as everyone digests this news. One officer asks, "Isn’t her sister ‘Periwinkle?’"
More chimes, and O’Mally translates, "Periwinkle is just our nickname for her, she just likes to get close to men's winkles." O'Mally covers his face and titters saying that.
Suddenly, the door to the situation room bursts open, and an officer crashes into the room saying, "Sorry Captain, we're on air!" He reaches for the camera and the feed goes black.
==
Alexis Onanism's livestream feed bursts into life, and soon it is the most watched video on the net.
It starts out showing a light, airy, tastefully decorated, room. Venus is standing next to a bed, the bed is a modern take on a four poster bed, it looks as though it's made from a cube of slim beams.
From off camera, Alexis' voice say's "We're on."
There are the familiar chimes of a fairy voice, a happier one this time. With a zing! a fairy, presumably Wanker Bell, darts into the scene from the left, trailing pixie dust behind her. The fairy pauses above Venus, waves her wand, and a bolt of magic travels to Venus, then suddenly Venus' clothes disappear and she's standing there naked. Venus presents herself to the camera, arms open, "Ta-daaa!"
Most of the audience watching is too distracted by the luscious display of Venus flesh to notice much else, including what clothes she had been wearing a moment previously. They also might not notice the fairy landing to her left and growing to human size, while Alexis enters the picture from the right.
Both of them advance on the Naked Venus. Venus is known for being freakishly tall (6' 1", for those with access to Wikipedia, and not otherwise distracted by the show), and the fairy in human form only comes up to Venus' boobs, a fact she takes advantage of by sucking on one of Venus' nipples. That might get some of the audience to notice Wanker Bell, who looks as though she's been dressed by a (male) cosplay fantasist. Most notably, her "skirt". That skirt is just a few flaps of fabric, which cover nothing, so it's evident the human sized Wanker Bell is all woman.
Alexis approaches Venus from the right, while he's not as freakishly tall as Venus, for a man, he still looms over her by half a head. Alexis is that strange combination, the nerd/athlete, not only did he found his social media empire, he also had a notable college football career. He says he's still waiting to be drafted by the NFL.
Wanker Bell and Alexis manage to arrange themselves so that Venus is still entirely on display, while they both molest her. Alexis' arm goes around Venus' shoulders, and they kiss. Meanwhile, his hand drops down to play with Venus' pussy. Alexis breathlessly moans, "She's so wet! Thanks Tink."
At this point, Venus loses contact with the floor, she floats upwards a few inches, and now Alexis is no longer looming, and they can kiss more easily. If anyone had noticed (which they hadn't) the fairy had not previously been standing on the floor, but floating slightly above it, she also rose with Venus, so she could continue to suckle on a boob.
Wanker Bell grabs ahold of one of the bedposts, and gently pulls herself to the left. Attached to Venus by a nipple in her mouth, Venus is pulled to the left away from Alexis. Alexis reaches for her as she glides out of reach. He manages to grab hold of a foot, and promptly begins sucking on Venus' toes. Venus' reaction to the toe sucking is to let out a very satisfied sounding low moan.
Meanwhile, Wanker Bell performs a slow motion somersault, and half twist. First, her legs are spread, while extended towards the camera, leaving absolutely no doubt she is a woman, and turned on. Then, her legs end up wrapped around Venus' head, with her mouth still on Venus' nipple. That stifles Venus' moans, but soon the fairy is moaning in her fairy way. A fairy's moan sounds like several pipes from opposite ends of a pipe organ, in a very happy harmony.
Wanker Bell lets go of Venus' nipple and starts riding Venus' face, even though gravity should be in entirely the wrong direction for that to be possible. Simultaneously, Alexis finds himself losing his footing and floating off the bed. He uses Venus' legs to pull his face towards her pussy.
So now the scene is that Venus is floating naked and spreadeagled sideways, a few feet above the bed, framed by the bedposts. She is visible in all her luscious glory, a fact appreciated by a large proportion of the viewers. At her head, Wanker bell still fully clothed (as much as her clothes cover anything), is astride Venus' face arms thrown open, and head thrown back. She is glowing perceptibly, and providing the musical accompaniment. At the other end, Alexis' face is rapidly disappearing into Venus' crotch. He is still fully clothed as well, though you can see he is trying to remedy that, by rapidly removing his pants.
Wanker Bell is glowing more and more strongly, as passion and appreciation of what Venus is doing overtakes her. She even grabs hold of the bed post to steady herself, her innate ability to fly seems to be failing in the heat of passion. Alexis has successfully discarded his pants and is now holding the other bed post with both hands, so he can line his dick up with Venus' pussy. He successfully manages the tricky midair docking maneuver, and you can hear his moans as he thrusts into her, even under the fairy pipe organ moans.
Wanker Bell is glowing so strongly now, it looks like it's night outside the windows of the room. She is the source of illumination for the whole scene, which casts some weird flickering shadows over it, much like the light from an open fire. Suddenly, the live feed cuts out. If you examined the final frames of the broadcast, which of course several viewers did, you'd see that as the fairy reached the heights of passion, she not only glowed, but seemed to explode. The explosion presumably knocked the camera off the net.
==
"Earlier today, there was an explosion in the Sonoma Valley; we go live to Azneth Smith (who's back from her vacation) on the scene. Azneth?"
"Well Frank, I'm here in the small picturesque town of Glen Ellen. The Sonoma County Sheriff's office has set up a perimeter around the Bed and Breakfast hotel you can see behind me. I have with me Sergeant Spencer Crum of the Sheriff's office. Sergeant Crum, what's the situation?"
"Well Azneth, at 11:03 this morning, we got reports of a small explosion nearby the hotel. Sheriff's deputies who were first on the scene reported the grounds of the hotel were covered with glitter, but then stopped responding. We think they've been affected by a hazardous substance. Hazmat units of the Sheriff's office are investigating."
The camera pans away from the interview, and shows people in bright yellow plastic suits in the
grounds of the hotel. Off camera you hear Sergeant Crum's voice.
"Excuse Me."
The camera pans back to Azneth.
"Sergeant Crum has been called away, he says he will update us as soon as he has anything to tell us. So, as you heard, there was an explosion this morning, and there is now concern over possible… Excuse me, Sergeant Crum seems to have news for us."
The camera pans back to the Sergeant who's walking towards the reporter.
"I can report that the Sheriff's office has had a request from the FBI for cooperation. The FBI believes that this address is where the fugitives Mr. Alexis Onanism and Ms. Venus Hotbody originated their broadcast this morning. The FBI also suspects that the explosion was caused by the fairy Wanker Bell, who was abducted by Mr. Onanism and Ms. Hotbody. On that theory, the contamination is pixie dust from Wanker Bell. Pixie dust is not harmful, but it can cause intoxication and unwanted flight in humans…"
The camera pans away from the interview to show a convoy of black SUVs, with lights flashing,
driving up the road towards the camera. The convoy pulls up, there is a short conference, and
someone comes over to talk to Sergeant Crum. The camera again focuses on Him, he speaks.
"I can confirm the arrival of a team of hostage negotiators from the San Francisco office of the FBI. They are currently setting up and will be attempting to make contact with the fugitives shortly."
"So there you have it, the explosion was possibly related to the story I reported on yesterday from Disneyland, about the disappearance of Tinker Bell. As you may have heard the fairy who disappeared was in fact Tinker Bell's sister, not Tinker Bell herself, and she may have caused a pixie dust explosion. Meanwhile, the FBI is attempting hostage negotiations."
"With that, back to the studio, Frank?"
==
"Developments in the situation in Glen Ellen, over to Azneth Smith. Azneth?"
"Yes Frank, the FBI negotiators have been in contact with the fugitive couple. We don't know who exactly they've been talking… Something's happening."
The camera pans to the Victorian house, which is the B&B, and some people wearing jackets with
'FBI" emblazoned on them, emerge from the front door. Behind them Venus and Alexis are led out,
clearly in handcuffs. A fairy is flying along with them. The group hurries into a black van,
which drives off with lights flashing, and an escort. Sergeant Crum walks towards the camera, a
cluster of reporters gathers around him, thrusting microphones towards him.
"The FBI negotiation team managed to make contact with Mr. Onanism. Mr. Onanism seemed to be intoxicated, or ensorcelled. However negotiations were successful, and Mr. Onanism, and Ms. Williams agreed to surrender. A fairy, thought to be Wanker Bell is also cooperating with the investigation. Hazmat units are still working on decontaminating the area."
There is a volley of questions, but the camera pulled back to show the reporter.
"There you are Frank, a relatively happy conclusion to this episode. Back to you in the studio."
==
"We go live to a press conference at the Orange County District Attorney's office."
"Yesterday, Mr. Alexis Onanism, and Ms. Venus Hotbody, were arrested by FBI agents in Glen Ellen, California, in connection with the disappearance of Tinker Bell from the Disneyland Hotel. Also with them was Wanker Bell, Tinker Bell's sister. It was in fact Wanker Bell who had gone missing from the hotel in a case of mistaken identity."
"After questioning, we now believe it was Mr. Onanism and Ms. Williams who were the victims of a kidnap, by Wanker Bell, by means of ensorcellement. However, Mr. Onanism and Ms. Williams have refused to press charges over this incident. The other four victims in this matter are similarly refusing to press charges. So currently, Wanker Bell is free to go. Mr. Onanism would like to make a statement."
Alexis takes the microphone. "Venus and myself would like to thank Wanker Bell for the marvelous wedding present she has given us. I want to stress at no time were we under duress, and everyone consented to all events. Our adventure into toonland, and in the real world will be a memory that Venus and myself will treasure forever."
"I will be compensating the Walt Disney company for all expenses incurred in relation to the use of the Red Car. In return they have agreed to drop all charges. That is all I have to say, thank you."
Alexis walks away, ignoring the barrage of questions from the assembled reporters.