sexstories.com
Comments from merlinlewis
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2012-01-28 19:28:32 | Catching them at it | Thanks, 19:13! I can see things developing in this story between the characters so I think I will get cracking on part two... |
| 2012-02-01 03:35:55 | Catching them at it | Thanks for th great feedback everybody. I am encouraged to write part two now! |
| 2013-07-14 05:01:05 | brook the neighbors lil girl | What you need to do is team up with another member who is happy to edit your stories for you. Then commentators can focus on the eroticism of your story instead of acting like English teachers who can't switch off outside their work. |
| 2013-09-05 10:42:27 | My daughter. The porn star. | It's a common enough fantasy, though not one of mine. There are a number of stylistic flaws in the writing that interfere with the ability of the story to cause either arousal or empathy. It certainly felt rushed; I would recommend you relax and let your stories dictate their own pace. And to switch from narrative to describing a movie/tv style fadeout at the end was the ultimate jarring moment here. Readers need to inhabit the world of your story for the time they are reading. Smoother less rushed style will enable them to experience what this fantasy feels like for you. Good luck with your next one. |
| 2013-09-23 12:03:15 | Watching Sue | I really enjoyed this, you built up the tension nicely and described things well without jarring us out of the fantasy, which many writers do by mistake. I can imagine many things I'd like to have seen happen next but that's a story for you to write! Well done and let's have some more soon. |