| 2008-06-18 11:07:15 |
Retirement with Mom
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Big thumbs up. Could have been longer though. Maybe a rewrite with the whole scen? |
| 2008-06-20 02:44:37 |
Winner Takes All
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Thanks for the votes and the comments, everyone! I put a lot of effort into this story, and am very glad it is appreciated. There will be a part 2 and perhaps much more in the future. When they will come by I'm not sure yet but I will be working on them. |
| 2008-06-20 15:38:42 |
Summer adventures_(0)
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I have to concur on the lack of realism but its still a good story. Maybe a Fantasy tag at the top would mark it appropriate to its genre. Otherwise, its pretty decent. Needs a lot more descripts, some proper use of words for some paragraphs. Work on advancing to reach a more 'mature state of writing', meaning less dashes, no brackets etc. |
| 2008-06-22 00:53:29 |
Winner Takes All
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Im sorry about the language confusion up there. My somewhat limited French vocab has deteriorated pretty badly.... I'll do more research on that with a translator for the next instalment. |
| 2008-06-24 23:27:20 |
Bad Dream
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This is really good, though the action is a little rushed. |