Humor Porn Stories

We Are Two Mistresses

BDSMHumorLesbian Sex

“Oh, God, I’m late!” I almost tripped over my high heels as I ran towards my cherry red Lamborghini, my hobble skirt hitched over my thighs, blonde wig askew. I fumbled in my Dior purse for my car keys. “Phew!” I was so relieved; I couldn’t imagine how much trouble I’d be in if I got to work too late. Thankfully, the Lambo responded instantly to my high heel on the gas and I roared out into the morning traffic. There was only one set of traffic lights at which I was able to tidy up my makeup. Soon the traffic thinned out and I roared forward at 120mph. Within minutes – no, it was probably only… Read more

Posted by JayneBrayne 1 day ago 3 2,351 88%

Confessions to a Nun 2

TabooHumorHardcore

https://xhamster.com/users/sistermegan Confessions to a Nun Johnmdh Well sister, I hang around the local convent until the senior girls (18+) turn out. They are all gagging for sexual experience; I approach the dirtiest looking one and entice her into a nearby drinking den of iniquity. Then we head into the garden and dive into the nearest bushes. She is desperate to keep her hymen intact, so I start to rub my cock head on her swollen clitoris and chew her erect nipples. She lays belly down on the ground and rubs her… Read more

Posted by JuicyLucy001 1 day ago 1 3,591 100%

Humiliation at the doctors

Humor

I was conferring with my sister, who like me is also a doctor, when our receptionist Stacey came in with some charts for us. She looked a bit upset, and when we asked why, she explained that one of the patients, a Mr Rogers, in the waiting room had been making one fat joke after another, rather loudly. Stacey was a large girl, maybe a size 20, but was very attractive. I had often looked down her top at her ample breasts and thought about the naughty fun I could have with her. Maybe one day. But she was not just our employee in our family firm, but a friend.We often went for drinks after work,… Read more

Posted by jackelaine 1 day ago 2 6,241 87%

Our Unspoken Desire – Part 1

HardcoreInterracial SexHumor

Where is the damn AC Remote?” I muttered under my breath. It was a ‘summer afternoon’, two of the most beautiful words in the English language. And probably most harmonious sound for an English ear. But not for an Indian ear. It was a coastal place in Odisha. The weather was a pain in the ass. We studied coastal climates,… Read more

Posted by monsterdick2girls 2 days ago 453 33%

The Zodiac Sign You'll Have The Best Sex With

TabooFetishHumor

1. Aries (March 21 - April 19): Sexual Style: Passionate and impatient, these lovers want to get down to business. They're not into wooing you with flowers and romance. They're actors, not dreamers, and they prefer a spicy, energetic romp to a drawn-out lovemaking session. "They want what they want, and they want it now," says Vega. If what they want is you, you'll have a partner dedicated to pleasing you between the sheets — but you'd better not be into foreplay, because you're not going to get much. Sexually Compatible Zodiac Signs: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, Aquarius Turn-ons: Any… Read more

Posted by DirtyHari69 3 days ago 4 1,649 100%

Carpentry of the Extreme - Part 2 of 5

HumorHardcoreGroup Sex

Hello dear friends, I actually only write in German. But I have tried one of my stories to translate (online translators) and make it accessible to more people. - Carpentry of the Extreme - Part 2 of 4 But, there was nobody there. But Pustekuchen. I tore the door of the master office open and exactly in the moment also my to the teacher. Boom... we collided. It had almost knocked me over and Holger got the door to his head. "Oh shit... crap" I shouted. Holger held his head and cursed as well. „ What are you doing here??" I moaned at him... - "Sor… Read more

Posted by Nina-Marie 4 days ago 205 75%

Carpentry of the Extreme - Part 1 of 5

HardcoreHumorFetish

Hello dear friends, I actually only write in German. But I have tried one of my stories to translate (online translators) and make it accessible to more people. - Carpentry of the Extreme - Part 1 of 4 It was one of those terribly hot days. I was about to take my exam and worked in the workshop. All colleagues were on assembly and I was sweating on my journeyman's piece. I had to grind parts to prime them in the afternoon. In addition I built myself everything up and made it to me so well I could thereby comfortably. I had already drunk some litres of… Read more

Posted by Nina-Marie 4 days ago 436 100%

Ugly duckling

HumorTabooLesbian Sex

When I was 25 my younger sister came to live with me , she was 18 and a nerd type. Not to be mean but she was not attractive. Not because she is my sister I have another sister who is absolutely gorgeous. Karen is not attractive. She’s kinda built like a skinny boy. I mean she has tits but they are small. She never wears makeup, beauty is on the inside is all that matters she’s says. Yeah bitch all the ugly people say that. She dressed like shit. Her face has pimples. She’s just a mess. She has one friend who happens to be a boy ! Just as ugly as her! So she moves in and asks me to help… Read more

Posted by Analonly1 8 days ago 4 7,099 91%

Misti's Adventures Part 90

TabooHumorHardcore

Sue and Rick sat talking quietly with Truman and Belinda. They had been driving around to different places looking for unusual, or interesting things to photograph. He was a Photography Professor at a private university in a neighboring state, and she had been one of his prize students. They shared an interest in things that were out of the ordinary, unusual, or just plain weird. They shared some of their work, as if it would be shocking. The first, a picture of a wild buffalo cow, giving birth, was to them, weird. Rick and Sue both had to laugh at their apparent lack of living. They had both… Read more

Posted by sandlicker 9 days ago 375 100%

Neha: A Wrong Beginning

First TimeHumorHardcore

I am a 20-year-old Engineering student from Pune. I am currently studying in Mumbai. I am 6 ft tall with an athletic body and good stamina. This story is about a reader Neha from Mumbai. This is the first of many installments of her sexual experience. Coming t… Read more

Posted by monsterdick2girls 10 days ago 371 75%

Two Hot Unsatisfied Milfs In Bangalore

Group SexMatureHumor

24-year-old from Bangalore with hot and fair looks and great stamina to satisfy any unsatisfied woman. This is my story of real experience. After the first success of my Locanto ad, I was quite happy. I thought will relax for a while and post the next ad after 3 months. Then I logged in into my Locanto app as there were unnec… Read more

Posted by monsterdick2girls 10 days ago 487 100%

DOG GONE IT 2

HumorHardcore

So there we were in a remote spot beside the River Lea in Hertfordshire with our dog Goldie. Goldie looked bored as we kissed passionately, my hands lifting her sun dress delighting me when I discovered she wore Nothing beneath except very brief thoroughly soaked in her pussy juices panties so as she lay prone on her back on the picnic table I feasted on her “savoury dessert” her hairy twat which tasted amazing with the musk pussy Odour I so Love and Goldie now seemed to take interest as he sniffed the air more animatedly. And of course Sarah loves or did love to get her pussy licked and sucke… Read more

Posted by expatriate 12 days ago 11 5,952 96%

Mistis' Adventures Part 88

HumorFirst Time

Sue had heard her soon-to-be sisters snickering behind her. She was aware of what they were laughing about, so decided to explain the cause of their glee to Sharon. "This morning, while I was telling my plans to Ricky, I told him I wanted to study Biology and Paleontology. What I meant to say was that I want to study Biology and ANTHROPOLOGY! So, MAYBE, I can find out where we came from, and how we got to this point. I got flustered, and my tongue got wrapped around my eye-teeth, so I couldn't see what I was saying. I'm just lucky I didn't start stuttering and stammering. When I get excited, s… Read more

Posted by sandlicker 12 days ago 197 100%

Mistis' Adventures Part 86

Group SexHumorHardcore

The four lovers had exhausted themselves completely, and barely staggered back up to the house. It was, now, almost 2 in the morning. Not wanting to disturb Cathy, Billy and Robbi had gone into the bedroom across the hall from Cathy, and showered and went to bed. Rick and sue had gone into the bedroom next to them and had done almost the same. They had quietly talked while they showered, feeling they had much to discuss, and, possibly to get straightened out. Rick had asked the young girl about what she had said, while they were making love. She freely admitted to what she had said, but, she… Read more

Posted by sandlicker 15 days ago 335 100%

Story Content and Writing Style

Humor

I recently read two stories on xhamster that were outstanding examples of exceptional writing and story telling. The authors were able to paint a mental image of these events that allowed the reader to share their experience. I found myself longing for more. That said, does it appear that much of the content here is diminishing in quality? Either the stories are so outlandish they aren’t even possible. Or they are so poorly written that the story is nearly impossible to follow. Or the grammar, spelling, and punctuation is so bad it’s just a jumble of words. I understand some of these issues… Read more

Posted by tailslid1 15 days ago 7 308 75%

A Director Made Our Movie!

HumorGroup SexTaboo

By now you know what happened between my mom and me in my previous stories. Mom was very casual around me. As if nothing had happened. I too acted as if everything was cool. As if I had done nothing at all. But frankly, it was eating me up. Guilt was killing me. I tried hard to let go of the incident. But little did I know it was the sweet forbidden fruit one should not taste. Once tasted… Read more

Posted by monsterdick2girls 16 days ago 1,101 100%

Why such a fascination for Big Cocks?

AnalShemale PornHumor

Why such a fascination for Big Cocks? I’m not sure what all the fuss is about big cocks? I mean, most of us are “normal” sized and us Gurls seem to be “normal” or slightly smaller which would explain (theory) why we are drawn to cross-dressing. The Shemales online are mostly professions with surgical enhancements. You normally don’t see massive cocks on pic of CDs /TVs! Or large surgical enhanced bobs. 5.1 inches In the Journal of Urology study, researchers found the following among the group of 80 men: An average penis size of 8.8 cm (3.5 inches) when flaccid. An average penis size… Read more

Posted by williegirle 16 days ago 1 1,257 80%

Mildly Interesting Fantasies

HumorLesbian SexMasturbation

I have quite a few fantasies, but can you blame me? What's a bored girl to do when she's horny and alone? These are just a few funny things I've thought of over the years, but these are just my go-to thoughts when I rub one out. You know what's funny, a lot of guys I meet are surprised that I masturbate as much as I do. If you'd like, these can be used for roleplay starters. 1: Mistress has been busy at work all day, but she comes home early to surprise you. How sweet! But she gets quite a disappointment when she comes home to the sounds of you pleasuring yourself. Looks like Kitt… Read more

Posted by TheSlutNextDoor 17 days ago 1 723 100%

Mistis' Adventures Part 85

TabooGroup SexHumor

William held Sharon's hand to help her to her feet. She went as straight into his waiting arms as she could move, telling him "I want it as much as YOU do. Maybe even more, my Darling. We have to be careful for the baby's sake, though. You haven't had me like a spoon, recently. Maybe we could do it like that. I want to feel you holding me, kissing me, and loving me more, now, than ever before. Fill me with your life, and make me yours, forever." They went up the stairs silently, holding each other as if each thought the other would run away. They found the first empty bedroom, and, for the V… Read more

Posted by sandlicker 17 days ago 315 100%

The Limo Driver Pt.3

Interracial SexHumor

Monday afternoon Sue is in Doc.’s office getting her final checkup and release to go out and have fun. Doc. says your fine already to go out and make some man very happy! Oh, and by the way Paul is in recovery right now. Sue says can I see him, Doc. says yes, he won’t know your there. Sue is taken to him, she sits down and says Paul you don’t deserve all this pain, I am so sorry Debbie is such a bitch, but she has always been spoiled. She reaches down runs her fingers thru his hair and says I have always loved you if I had a chance I would make you the happiest man in the world, she reaches do… Read more

Posted by ohmyyes64 17 days ago 817 86%
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